I should be registering.

I actually can't register until tomorrow morning at 11 AM. But I should be planning my summer/fall classes so I'm ready for tomorrow. Instead, I'm blogging. What's life without whimsy?

I feel like I've always been the person you hit up for advice when you need it. Actually, I know I have been that person haha. I'm a very empathetic person, and even if I've never been in a specific situation, I usually know what should be done. Throughout the years, I've realized that listening and saying nothing is sometimes just as, if not more, effective than trying to come up with a monologue on how everything will be okay and perfect again. This is mainly because a lot of the time, it won't be perfect (or at least the same) again. But that's okay. As a species, we like regularity in our schedules (no laxative jokes please) and we hate change. We all need to realize that change is often a wonderful thing, and although it's not comfortable at first, it's necessary. BUT I DIGRESS. I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she said "Ryan, just do what makes you happy." It is such a simple piece of advice that seems like it should be so blatantly obvious to me, but I realized something. More often than not, when we are in a tough situation we look for this mystic, complex answer that is buried beneath layers and layers of self reflection, and the real answer is so simple and easy that it seems like it will definitely be ineffective. I just recommend doing what makes you happy. Obviously, you can't do everything that makes you happy. If your happiness stems from an excessive use of hookers and cocaine, I think you need to take up a more therapeutic hobby, such as gardening. But if you have a situation in your life that seems complicated and you feel you need to seek out the wisdom of every Mohammed, Jesus, and Ghandi you know, you really don't. Just think about what decision will make you happy, and even if it still entails some difficulties, it will be worth it. You just do what you want to do and if others don't understand it, that's okay. If you understand your reasoning and are happy with yourself and your choice, then the best person to go to for advice is you.

Sometimes I talk to myself.

I was halfway done with a blog criticizing the life choices of a girl on Teen Mom 2 and the death of the Britney Spears' talent when I realized it wasn't funny and I deleted it. I'm not Perez Hilton, I can't put humor on the Internet for the 4 people that read this blog if it isn't high quality. Therefore, I'll just give a little life update. It probably won't be humorous, and I'm not sorry.

I have some semi-large decisions coming up. Do I want to stay in Boston this summer? Do I want to go home and work? Do I want to take classes this summer? Do I want to double major or just focus on business? I remember when I thought picking my college was such a huge decision. That was cute. Anyway, I have exactly 2 weeks to decide my life path. I'm doubling in Film Scoring and Music Business/Management. I've lost my interest in film scoring for the time being. I'm much more interested in the business aspect of the industry rather than the creative aspect at this point. I don't like writing music under pressure, so why would I make it my career? Your answer is you shouldn't. My answer is that the last piece I wrote under pressure was regarded as trash by my professor and then went on to be the audience favorite and get me some notoriety because it was actually wonderful. Also, I would hate to give up the connections I have built with a few film/tv producers (aspiring and established) around the country.

I had more to say, but I think I just talked myself out of dropping film scoring. Thanks for reading that last paragraph that is entirely pointless to your lives.

Anyway, I will most definitely be staying in Boston this summer. I will be taking classes. I will be gallivanting to New York whenever I can. And I will be enjoying myself.

My very best friend will be coming up in May with her mom (essentially my mom) and they will be staying for a week! I'm taking them to New York for a show, a studio tour, and to undoubtedly get lost. The rest of the time will be spent in Boston showing them what I see every day. Last time she came up, it was mid-December and this was what ensued.

I had a picture of her buried ass-deep in a pile of snow while I pointed and laughed, but I couldn't find it. Take a look at her blog. She's not as funny as me, but she tries.

CLICK HERE.

I have a concert April 22nd here at Berklee. So if you are interested in French Impressionistic/Contemporary Chamber Music and want to spend your time listening to ~55 minutes of it, feel free to come. On that note, I haven't practiced some of the music in roughly 4 days. So maybe you should stay home.

Probably the most serious part of this blog was my shower experience today. I know, I know. Now you're picturing me in the shower and it will be hard to focus, but I need you to do so. I'm standing there, minding my own business, washing my hair and then my nose starts bleeding. Profusely. It continues to do so for 15 minutes. So I wait it out, ponder the implications, and when it stops I get out and text my friend Jordan, telling him I’m convinced I have a brain hemmhorage and I’ll be dead before next weekend. As I go to my desk to start on my will, he informs me that my nose is just dry and I’m not on my deathbed, I’m just being moderately overdramatic. This sounds like a reasonable diagnosis, and while I’m still not totally convinced that I don’t have bleeding in and around my brain, I’ll go with it. Thank God for people that paid attention during Biology in high school, and have common sense. I did/have neither. I’m still convinced I have a rare strain of swine flu incubating in my body because of a suspicious sneeze earlier today. More on that later.

On an end note, just a piece of advice. I’ve come to find that when you live alone, you tend to talk to yourself more than you would normally do so if you lived with other humans. I’ve also come to find out that it doesn’t stop when you go outside, and if you do it on the sidewalk, people will look at you and then rush inside where it’s safe. Need to work on that.

The saga continues.

I know most of you are probably tired of hearing about my job hunt. I'm also sick of talking about it. Kind of. But until it ends, IT'S CONSUMING MY LIFE. Therefore consuming my blog. The picture above is funny not only because that will most likely be me in a year, but because I was once actually chased by a "homeless" lady in a powerchair. She asked me for money, I said "Ma'am, you're in a powerchair and a fur coat. You're fine."




She didn't like that. So we played tag all the way down Mass. Ave. She almost won. Her new spot is right outside the Park St. T-station. If you see her, you'll know why I ran. She's the one with the trashbag hoodie. Can't miss her.


Anyway. I sometimes feel that Boston is playing a joke on me. It's supposed to be one of, if not the biggest city for college students. There are something like 400,000 students in the greater Boston area?? WHY ARE YOUR STANDARDS FOR RETAIL SO HIGH?? I can handle your federal government's confidential nuclear records, but I can't work for you unless I've personally worked for Tory Burch? YOU'RE THE GAP. I THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.

My favorite scenario is one that happened recently. A store that will remain unnamed (they have a parade on a major holiday involving turkey THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING) brought me in for an interview. It went extremely well (just like the last one that I happened to not receive) so my hopes were low. The HR lady says "Well everything looks good! Can you tell me your availability?" At this point it's all I can do to keep myself from drooling with excitement. Did I succeed? Almost. So, I give her my days and she proceeds to say "Perfect! Well, we don't have any open positions right now, but if one comes up, we will keep you in mind!"









I hope the subway door shut on your face during your commute home.






That being said, I have an interview for an HR internship at a Fortune 500 company on Thursday. Will I survive if I don't get it? Yes. Will my wardrobe? No. RIP Summer Collection 2011. You could have been good to me.

                                          (Minus the bag. Not even I can pull that off in real life.)

Talent

Going to a music school, I sometimes wish that I could be a songwriter. I have no problem writing the music, but I'm just not very good with words. I try to come up with deep, profound lyrics that always somehow end up rhyming in a very Dr. Seuss way. I had given up on my songwriting dream long ago and accepted that I will just end up being the CEO of some multi-billion dollar music entertainment company. I'm okay with it, not everyone's life turns out the way that they want it to. Anyway, during the past week, an angel came down in the form of Rebecca Black and informed me that literally anyone can be a songwriter, and write about anything they want to. You just have to make sure you include the title of the song in your chorus and repeat it 75 times per chorus. A couple of weeks ago on Glee, Rachel wrote an entire song entitled "My Headband." I won't deny the fact that if that song had made it onto iTunes, I would have most likely purchased it. These two women have made me realize that I can pursue my dream of songwriting no matter how talentless I am with lyrics, and I just want to give a little shout out to them for that. Thanks ladies!

Little spring break blories.

I have an interview at GAP tomorrow circa 2PM. I am so obsessive about everything in my life, so today I looked up interview questions that people have gotten in the past. After that I planned out my outfit, and now I'm good to go. Need to remember to print a resume. That could be useful. ANYWAY, one of the more frequent questions was "Sell me the outfit you're wearing right now." That's going to be a tough one for me. All I can think of to say is "Well sir/maam, the outfit I'm currently wearing consists entirely of clothing from Express, but if you really want me to sell that, I'll try." I feel that honesty is key. When I said "Well, you smell like canned fart." to the last interviewer that said I seemed impatient, I really think it set me apart as a frontrunner for the position.

My parents came in town this weekend and stayed until Tuesday. It was probably the best time we've had since they've been coming to Boston. I took them the farthest I could possibly think to take them (Bunker Hill) and they really loved it. I would have loved it had they not noticed me walking off trying to leave them there, but hey. You win some, you lose some. They bought this month's groceries, so I can't complain.

On Saturday, I'm going to head down to NYC with a friend for the day. I figure it is a great way to end spring break, and it will be nice to get away and be forced to brave the smell of urine in the subway of a different city.

Motivation

Today I came across what are possibly the best two quotes I have ever (and will ever) read.


"However long the night, the dawn will break."
"May the bridges I burn light the way."



I had a somewhat...eventful weekend. There was so much that happened in such a short span of time (I made a mistake of monumental proportions) and it was almost too much to process. Last night I went to sleep at 11 (which never happens) and I just felt so hopeless. I sometimes just get in these moods where I get so angry and upset with myself and others because of some struggles I am having, and last night was just one of those nights. I woke up feeling no better, went to class to take my midterm, didn't talk to anyone, took the test, and came back home to go back to bed. Needless to say, being antisocial will not, in fact, make you feel better. I somehow came across the two quotes above, and in an instant, my day was turned around and I snapped out of it. It made me realize that even when we feel hopeless, when we feel like there is truly no coming out of something, there will always be an end to the negative emotions. I realized that sometimes, in order to make the right decisions, we have to make the right mistakes. I may regret how some things have turned out, but they are just learning opportunities for the future. 

(Sometimes my thoughts in blogs are scattered, but I like it. I write things out in the order I think of them.)

Now call me a momma's boy. But when I am sad or I have something exciting happen or I can't decide what to make for dinner or I just had a great audition, my first instinct is to call my mom. If I'm upset about something, we usually talk for an hour, she tells me to pray about it and read my bible, and then we are done. I'll be honest, reading my bible rarely helps. I don't have enough patience to read, interpret, analyze, and internalize it when I'm in a bad mood. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Jesus, but I am stubborn when I'm mad and I want an insta-fix. For some reason, these quotes just hit the spot for me, and I hope you can think of them whenever you are feeling down and realize that, while the end may not necessarily be near, and you may be down for a day, or a month, or longer, there is an end, and there is no better opportunity to learn than from a mistake. I have also learned that if you are going to make a mistake, make it big. Make it HUGE so you won't forget. And have a good ass time making it.


On an ending note, it's now almost 3 AM. I have several midterms tomorrow, which I have been studying for all night. I can tell you all you need to know about copyright law, all of the chord tensions in Clair de Lune, and the 13 deceptive resolutions of a V7 chord. But like it said. It's almost 3 AM.


Good night! (or good morning, depending on your time zone.)

Tales of a jobless college student.

All your life, people tell you to graduate high school so you can go to college, then after college you can go to graduate school, which will eventually enable you to get a job that stresses you to the point of ulcers and, if you're lucky, a strained marriage. Well, me being the smart person that I am, decided that this was definitely the right path to travel. So, after graduating high school, going to one college, leaving that college to work to go to another college, then leaving that job to go to the aforementioned college, HERE I AM. And it has been quite a trip so far. Let me tell you. But there have been a few bumps in the road.

The funny thing about life - it costs money. Who knew that the board game 'LIFE' that we all played as kids was more than just a game - it was kind of an instruction manual. Now I wish I had paid more attention to the rules instead of just playing with the spinner the whole time. After a fairly lavish first semester, my funds have taken a hit and I'm starting to feel the crunch of life and it's expenses. Like rent, utilities, and my moderate/severe addiction to cardigans and brightly colored shirts. So, the day I got back to Boston from Christmas "break" (during which I worked every day) I started looking for a job. Literally. The same day. Now before we go further, I feel the need to point out that I'm not a starving college student living off bread and water without a penny to my name. I am pretty well taken care of. Until circa...May. By then, I will either have a job, or go home to once again replenish my funding for necessary expenses, such as rent/groceries/outerwear from Calvin Klein. My parents and I disagree on whether or not that last one is a necessary expense, but they will come around when they see the spring catalog. ANYWAY. So I get back to Boston and I am just so excited. I am ready to take on the world. I update my resume, write a bad ass cover letter for every occasion, and I hit the streets, job sites, anything I can find. Well let me tell you something. I once heard that the recession was over and the economy is turning around. Well I'd like to see Obama fly his ass up here and try to find a job in the areas in and around greater Boston, because THAT IS NOT THE CASE.

Let me give a little background information before we continue. In high school I was a cashier at a local business for 2 years. Between colleges I worked at a nuclear waste storage facility as the lead records coordinator, validating documents, writing various procedures, training a few new employees, and, most importantly, catching up on American Idol every week. It honestly wasn't the most difficult job, but it wasn't the easiest either. Also, this semester I SPECIFICALLY set up my classes to leave me time to work. No class after 11 on Mondays and Tuesdays, no class on Fridays. So, naturally, when I start looking for jobs in Boston, I'm pretty confident I have all of my bases covered. WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG. So listen. I could be wrong. But I find it a little odd that I can be trusted to handle various classified records containing information that, if given to the wrong person in the wrong manner, I can go to jail. BUT I CAN'T SELL A PAIR OF PANTS AT H&M? Am I missing something? Like, hi, my name is Ryan and I can memorize 6 different federal procedures for the US Department of Energy, BUT I CAN'T BE TRUSTED TO MAKE YOUR FREAKING MACCHIATO. I had one interview for an assistant position at a tax firm in Newton that I got turned down for because "by looking at the application, I can tell you're an impatient person." Really? Really? Um, that application was flawless, as is everything else that I do. Also, you bear a striking resemblance to a toad and you smell like feta cheese, but thank you for your time.

Today I had a phone interview with Bank of America. Well, I was supposed to. I was super excited because usually I don't make it past the point of the rejection letter. Actually, at this point, instead of applying for the job, I'm applying to see how many variations I can get on a rejection letter. ANYWAY, I passed their requirements and their little cash handling/data management test, and had a phone interview today. The hours were PERFECT with my schedule, I was qualified, blah blah blah. I get the interview call today (it was a phone interview) and the lady says "well....that position has been filled. Let me look for another one for you." Needless to say, of course there were no other ones that fit my schedule but "she will let me know if anything opens up."

Oh please.

If you know me well, you know I am a comfort eater. So, naturally, after today's phone call, I went to the store and stocked up on things that will hopefully land me an appearance on the new reality show "Heavy," which I am unhealthily obsessed with (no pun intended.) I had my eye on some ice cream sandwiches in particular, along with the spinach pizza and spring rolls that I bought in massive quantities. I get home, eager with excitement, take out the box of ice cream sandwiches, only to get that sinking feeling in your stomach that you get from a roller coaster or when you fart and someone notices. Now I shop at Trader Joe's, which is (supposedly) all organic, and now I know to look before I leap. I bought ice cream sandwiches SANS real milk therefore SANS real ice cream, MADE FROM FREAKING TOFU. I BOUGHT TOFUTTI ICE CREAM. So I ate 2 of them, cried, ate 2 more, and then may or may not have eaten 10 spring rolls. Now that I'm thinking about it, after I publish this I'll be having some Cocoa Puffs. But back on topic. Tofu ice cream is not the way to perk up your day.

Now I am all for negative comic relief, but I feel I should turn the tables and end on a happier note. I really am not in as bad of a position as I make it out to be (I like to exaggerate.) I just think it's humorous. I go to a FANTASTIC school, I am making great friends, I have been able to keep in touch with all of my friends from home (and get rid of the bad ones, thank you Jesus.) I have learned so much. I'm truly grateful for all of the opportunity that surrounds me and I know there's a reason for whatever has happened and will happen. I'm just going to keep on, and tomorrow I will probably apply to H&M for a 6th time and will probably be rejected for the 6th time. But that's okay. I'll find something.


End note - Buy Adele's new album "21." My friends and I are covering 3 of her new songs. They are all wonderful. So refreshing to have someone to listen to who sounds good live and isn't relying on her naughty parts to get her somewhere.